


PADD Messages from Last Night

by catc10



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Humor, Multi, Parody, Texts From Last Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2013-02-01
Packaged: 2017-11-27 18:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catc10/pseuds/catc10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ONCE UPON A TIME I WROTE STUFF FOR THE ST_XI_KINK_MEME. THIS IS SOME OF IT.<br/>Prompt/Fill: http://community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink_meme/8704.html?thread=7362304#t7362304</p>
<p>In which there are PADD messages sent out TextsFromLastNight style!<br/>Who's Who in the Notes at the End!</p>
            </blockquote>





	PADD Messages from Last Night

(M02cc) I woke up wearing a man’s blue shirt, and was disappointed to learn it had the Medical bay collar.

(101jk) Hoshit! He’s bleeding from his ears! That’s fuckin AWESOME

(601cp) Wouldn’t he be surprised to know that I slept with his girlfriend because he wouldn’t?

(401nu) Wouldn’t he be surprised to know I slept with someone else because he didn’t?

(201st) DEAR LORD WHO PUTS SOMETHING LIKE THAT THERE? IT’S UNSANITARY.

(101jk) woo-hoo! ;) i’m doing the walk of shame, but i got a threesome out of it!

(401gg) Woo-hoo! ;) Honey, he left his underpants!

(401nu) Sweetheart, I love you, but if you *ever* ask me to rub your feet again…

(301ms) I’m in yer Jeffries tubes…watchin’ you sleep…

(404hs) I think I just vomited up that condom…

(M01lm) …Spock, there had BETTER be a good reason for half your drawers drawer to be in the bottom cabinet of my office.

(404hs) How was I supposed to know that when she said she’d help me ‘polish my sword’ she meant ‘jump me’?!

(401gg) I hate to say it…but the kid’s hair never fails to make me think of pubes, and ever since I’ve had to fight myself not to say, “Hey, pube-head!” when he jogs by. Is that bad?

(504fr) I think he broke his leg!  
(M01lm) Can you feel any crack in the bones?  
(504fr) Of course not! Everytime I touch it he screams!  
(M01lm) What, you can’t handle a little screaming?  
(504fr) Not outside of a sexual setting, but I don’t think I could fake it too well, given that I’ve never been much for outdoor sex!  
(M01lm) …what?

(601cp) I walked in on him and his mistress, Gi-gi, but what do you do when the other woman gets her nutrition from photosynthesis?  
(401gg) Burn her down?

(404hs) I just walked in on my boyfriend’s father figure getting boned by my ex-boyfriend’s ex…fabulous.

(402k) I locked in storage closet, You can come get out?

(302ad) I think I just had sex with keenser in a closet, but I don’t really know, what species is he again?

(401nu) That’s it. I’m sick of this shit. Gaila, Christine, time for the lesbian power threesome we always joked about and never had any intention of implementing. Every guy on our boat has gone gay, and I’m tired of being left out.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapel: M02cc  
> Kirk: 101jk  
> Chekov: 601cp (CP was not Chris Pike, it was Chekov, Pavel. I don't know. I flipped around the CP for a reason, but it was silly.)  
> Uhura: 401nu  
> Spock: 201st (I couldn't remember s'sah, only the t'gai, so I used the t from that.)  
> Gaila: 403gg  
> Scotty: 301ms  
> Sulu: 404hs  
> McCoy: M01lm  
> Riley: 504fr (I make up first names for people when I don't know/remember them. Riley's made-up-first-name is Frank.)  
> Keenser: 402k  
> Cupcake: 302ad (Anthony DiGiotto in my personal canon. No idea what Cupcake's real name is, heard this one mentioned and have used it ever since.)


End file.
